Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts

Friday, June 5, 2009

birth control after c-section

After reading Shanix's blog about birth control, I also thought of writing about it. At first, I thought that it's a little awkward to talk about it on my blog. Talking about sex and stuffs like that is quite uncomfortable for me. I only talk about it hush-hush with some female friends. Anyway, I realized that just like the celebrities, I needed to take on more mature roles. Hehehe. How did I get pregnant, anyway?

So there you go. After giving birth via c-section, I'm expected not to get pregnant within two to three years. Something to do with healthy pregnancy. My health, in general. Prior to giving birth, we've already agreed that we would only try the Billings method as our recourse for family planning. This is what the church had taught us during our pre-cana seminar. We were told that taking birth control pills, ligation and any other non-natural birth control methods are said to be "anti-life" and the church is against this. So that's my fear. Being tagged as "anti-life". However, just recently I had a discussion with my ob gyne and she said that we shouldn't try rhythm, withdrawal, condom or other natural methods as there's a higher risk of getting myself pregnant. I can't get pregnant again this early. That was her warning. In fact, right now I'm still battling my way to get rid of this postpartum hypertension. Sometimes I wonder, is it still postpartum hypertension? Or has it become chronic? So far, my blood pressure still hasn't gone above or below 130/90. They say it's borderline. Doctor said I cannot take birth control pills or opt for injectables if I'm hypertensive. My only choice would be ligation or IUD. Hmmm, Dipdip is my only child. Wouldn't I reconsider getting pregnant again someday? Ligation wasn't a better option. No, I don't want another incision, however small, this early. What about IUD? I think I might need to research more about this before I make my decision. But perhaps I'd get out of this hypertensive state so it couldn't get too complicated like this. Whoaaaaaa...

What about abstinence? :)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

postpartum hypertension

after the C-section, i thought it was already time to celebrate because i'm already out of danger. unfortunately, when i came back to my doctor to have my incision checked, i had a 150/110 reading again on my blood pressure. my BP has already returned to normal before i was released to the hospital but then it started recurring, again and again.

i still have edema in the feet and abdomen at that time so the doctor suspected that it might be the contributing factor to my hypertension. aside from treating my edema, i was prescribed with medicine for hypertension but i only have to take it if my BP is above or equal to 130/80. i was reluctant to drink hypertension medicine because i was worried i might start to become dependent to it but the doctor insisted. my hypertension has to be corrected within six weeks. i was told that a hypertension that won't go away beyond six weeks after delivery is no longer a postpartum hypertension. it might become chronic. also, i was told that if it's not treated right away, it might result to eclampsia.

for a while i became paranoid. i thought if the Lord would take away my life this early, it would be so sad to leave my little girl and husband behind so soon.

right now, the swelling on my feet went away. my blood pressure is starting to get normal. i think i'm getting better. so help me God.

hmmm, i wonder, is this the price i have to pay for giving birth past the age of 30?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

i love this picture!

This may not be what you may call a perfect photograph but I was greatly touched by this picture. A picture of the three of us for the first time after the C-section. I look so pale and tired in this picture. Little Pauline is already beside me in my small bed. My husband is taking a quick pancit meal because he can't leave me to eat somewhere else. He's wrapped his hand with clean plastic so he can eat by hand. I gave birth at a district hospital, not so far away from our home. Unlike a private hospital where almost everything in it looks splendid, this district hospital is not really much of a beautiful sight, although their medical team are equally as competent as the ones being employed at a private hospital. In fact, most doctors who are working at a private hospital also work for a government hospital.

When I first saw this picture, I was teary-eyed because I pitied ourselves. Didn't we look so poor and desolate in this situation? Actually, we're not in the ward section. This is a semi-private room. I'm sharing this room with another mother who also underwent Caesarian procedure. It's bad to complain but the room is sooo hot as there's only one ceiling fan running in-between our beds. The CR is also quite disappointing. It looked like they ran out of muriatic acid. Anyway, after that self-pity thing, I was enlightened. I thought our situation is far nothing from Joseph's and Mother Mary's situation. The Lord, who is King of all Kings, was even born in a manger! I'm no Virgin Mary but I am greatly humbled by this story. Instantly, I don't feel pity for ourselves anymore. I feel blessed we've gotten past all the hardships. Thank you dear God!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

oh, what a joy!

Who would ever think I would end up in the C-section? I guess as a primigravida, everyone's (including myself) expecting it'd be a normal vaginal delivery. Well, surprise! surprise! I kept asking myself, "How did it happen?" You see, I've been very careful about my pregnancy. Aside from my usual pre-natal sessions, I kept reading and browsing the Internet just to keep me informed about anything pertaining to pregnancy and motherhood. I guess I still have a lot to learn.

A week before I gave birth to Pauline, I was requested to do another ultrasound. I was relieved to know that my baby is in cephalic position. I thought that should already be enough to keep me assured that it would be a normal delivery. It turned out that I was wrong. It was already three days past my expected delivery date, yet I still didn't feel any signs of impending labor. I don't know why but my doctor is beginning to worry. She did an internal examination on me and she said my cervix has already dilated to 2.5 cm and that it was time to go to the hospital. To make matters worse, I was beginning to have fever at that time. Doctor suspected I might already have an infection.

So there you go, I had to be on induced labor. I was supposed to give birth at a private maternity clinic. There, I was given utmost attention by their attending nurse, their expert midwives and my private doctor. As my labor has progressed from 5 cm, 6 cm, 8 cm and until 9 cm -- I was beginning to have a hard time. I was starting to get some chills. I was beginning to complain about the electric fan and the aircon. My fever wouldn't stop recurring. Prior to labor, I had a normal blood pressure but at that point, I got a 150/110 reading. I kept pushing and pushing but Pauline wouldn't come out. I was stuck at 9 cm with fever and high blood pressure. I was beginning to feel very tired. Doctor told me if the baby doesn't come out by 1 a.m., she would recommend a C-section because the baby is starting to show signs of fetal distress. Whattt? A C-section? At first, I started to think about how much it would cost. (Yeah, maternity benefit can only be claimed after giving birth. It would even take weeks. Philhealth benefit would also take 3 months. Health insurance benefit from our company wouldn't cover maternity because as the insurance company goes, getting pregnant is a choice and it's intentional.) But then the baby's and my life are at stake. So we decided to worry about the cost later.

Since the private maternity clinic is only for normal delivery, I had to be taken to a nearby district hospital. There, I was already gasping with so much pain but the staff is still trying to get us to sign some papers, ask so many questions that it got me irritated. I kept watching the movies about scenarios like this and I thought they were just exaggerated stories but, per experience, it is really true, you don't get immediate medical attention until you got yourself signed up. After agonizing for a few minutes (when you're already in pain, it's already prolonged agony), I was already wheeled into the operating room. I felt relieved after I was given a shot of spinal anesthesia. Then I started to feel an incision going on (minus the pain) but they covered my head with what seems like a curtain so I couldn't see what's going on underneath. Not long after that, I felt unconscious and when I woke up (still feeling groggy with anesthesia), I already saw baby Pauline being attended by nurses. Who does she look like? Is her hair curly? I felt this sudden leap of joy. Can you believe it? I’m seeing my princess for the first time!

Oh, what a journey! Oh, what a joy!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

at home with baby pauline

hello to my readers, fellow bloggers, friends, family and well-wishers! i'm now at home with baby diane pauline. it's so good to be at home and resting. or should i say recuperating. i thought it would be a normal delivery, but, unexpectedly, i said hello to the C-section. :(

march 26, 2009. 2:27 a.m. thankfully, she's finally with us. i wish i could tell you right now all the details of what a struggle it had been trying to safely deliver baby pauline to this world but i'll probably write it on a new post later on as i am still not one hundred percent A-okay. just give me some time to be on the writing mode. meantime, i'll just leave you with this picture of pauline and his dad, taken at the hospital.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

i'm getting there!

Just for the record, it's been fourteen days since my maternity leave. Little Pauline is still kicking strong inside my womb. If she follows the expected delivery date stated in the ultrasound, I'll be due in eight days. Waaaaaa... I'm getting excited and nervous at the same time. How will I hold out on this pregnancy? God, I certainly wish and pray for a safe delivery.

Ever since I got this break from work, I've been doing some walking as a form of exercise. The doctor told me it is best for me. It can certainly help induce labor by bringing on contractions, in a natural way. Everytime I do that, I feel like she's going a little lower, heading down below my pelvis. If she's indeed moved a little lower, the internal examination tomorrow wouldn't be as painful as my first experience. I'd be lucky if the doctor wouldn't have to probe deeper.

I wake up everyday wondering if today could be the day that my waterbag breaks. Am I ready for it? I have everything prepared already in my hospital bag except for one item--the breast pump! Yes, we were not able to buy one yet. It's my fault, I'm too choosy. Everytime the saleslady in the department store shows me a breast pump, I would wish for the one that's being sold at another store. Yeah, right, I'm getting a little weird. I just hope though that even with the humble size, I'd get to breastfeed my baby so we can save some money on formulated milk.

As I am writing this article, there's a loud pounding and hammering noise in the background. We are finally getting the rooms constructed. Thanks to my husband's separation money (hehehe), we've spent some of it for home improvement. It's a blessing in disguise his employment in a new company was put on hold so I am well assured he'd be around for the big day. Things will hopefully fall into place, all in accordance to His will.

For now, while waiting for D-day, I'm trying to get myself productive by accepting a few online jobs courtesy of a friend. I'm not earning so much from it yet but it's a good training ground for me, although I can't commit on long-term online jobs YET as I don't know if I'd be able to deliver everything as needed. I definitely can't work on Labor Day! :)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

help, i'm itching

I remembered bchai mentioning something about an oatmeal lotion that can give some relief to itching during pregnancy. I’ve been doing some shopping here and there but I didn’t see any oatmeal lotion being sold here in Cebu. Or maybe I just didn’t look hard enough.

Right now, I’m itching all over my belly. My back is itching too but it’s not quite as itchy as my belly. I tell you, it’s not fun to itch like this. I’ve been trying to control the itching by trying not to scratch it, like it’s a mind-over-matter kind of thing. Sometimes I can’t help but scratch it a little. And a little bit more. Now the sight of my stretch marks is getting worse.

Monday, March 9, 2009

here's another pregnancy update

Since I’m getting closer to my D-day, I’ve been seeing my ob gyne every week. If I remember it right, this weekly pre-natal visit started when I hit my eighth month. During the first few weeks of my visit, ob gyne just did some routine check—measuring the size of my belly and checking on the baby’s heartbeat via Doppler. What else is new? I've been getting my usual verbal reminding from ob gyne about my almost uncontrollable appetite. Like a recorder, she’s been constantly telling me to eat in small meals and that I should stop eating before I feel “full”. Oh, I don’t know why, I don’t have special cravings for a certain food like most pregnant women but I believe I have a crazy appetite. If I should get pregnant again, I will no longer submit to my appetite, no more overeating. It’s such a struggle when you’re pregnant and putting on too much weight. It’s an excruciating experience especially during the later weeks of pregnancy. Why? First, it’s harder to get up with a really bloated stomach. Second, putting on a lot of weight puts a lot of pressure on your legs; makes it harder and more painful and tiring to walk. Third, you definitely wouldn’t want to hear “I-told-you-so” from your husband. Fourth, because of that extra weight, you get a lot more of that awful stretch marks and varicose veins. Fifth, they say, it’s harder to go on normal labor when you put on too much weight, especially if the baby inside your womb has grown bigger. Well, good luck to me! I believe I’m still not overweight at 136 pounds. What do you think? I expect to grow a few pounds more on my next visit, though.

Yesterday’s visit was a little terrifying. Ob gyne performed her first internal examination on me. Yes, with a sterilized glove, she inserted two fingers inside my vagina and up towards my cervix. I said it was terrifying because, although I had known a week earlier that I’d go through this on my next visit, I didn’t know it was painful. I also didn’t expect that her fingers would go deeper towards my cervix. All right, it wasn’t really too painful, just tolerably painful. Well, I thought I’d better get used to it. I’m expecting that I’d go through this again. Hmmm, just right now, I remembered my experience with the transvaginal ultrasound. All the things women had to go through to ensure a healthier and well-monitored pregnancy!

Friday, March 6, 2009

waiting for "D" day

I thought I would not be writing anything until after my big day. Since I’m already within the full term of my pregnancy, I’ve been caught up with a lot of things. So this is what it feels like when you’re waiting for D-day, huh! Everytime hubby is planning on going somewhere else without me, I feel so scared that he won’t be around when my water bag breaks. It’s a blessing in disguise that their training in the new company was put on hold until further notice. It buys us some time for him to be around when I’m in labor.

By the way, we’ve received monetary gifts from sister-in-law in Norway and aunt/uncle in New Jersey. Such sweet relatives--thank you very much! They sent us to the mall shopping for more of our baby Pauline’s needs. Thank you God for all the blessings!

As far as planning is concerned, everything went well. We just hired someone to help us around the house. She’ll be our baby sitter when hubby and I get back to work. We also made sure that we have everything we primarily need before I get rushed to the hospital. Right now, we’ve been busy getting the house tidied. This is probably what they called the “nesting instinct”. Hopefully, in a couple of weeks or so, we will officially turn from just plain sweethearts to amateur parents. Hmmm, amateur parents, we shall be--but we will try to be the best parents we can be!

To my dearest friends and fellow bloggers, I may or may not be able to regularly update my blog while waiting for D-day. Although I’m trying to keep up, sometimes it just gets too lazy to write anything. Also, hubby is busy reviewing his “programming” stuff. It means he will have more time on the Internet than I would.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

we're getting that full-time job soon...

So I’ve forgotten to write an update about my pregnancy. Let me just pick up where I left off. I’ll be on my eighth month this February 15th. Last Sunday, I went to the clinic for my pre-natal checkup. Ob gyne almost forgot to give me my second dose of anti-tetanus that day. I almost forgot about it, too. Lately, this pregnancy is keeping me from remembering a lot of things. I’ve already stepped out of the consultation room and she had already pushed the button to call on her next patient when my husband who was just in the waiting area asked me if I was done with the anti-tetanus stuff. I had to ask the front desk assistant so that I’d be allowed to go back in to remind her about it. It’s in the patient card, doc. How could you have missed it? You had the schedule of the shot clearly written. I could have told her that but I didn’t. I don’t blame her. She got lots of patients every Sunday. It’s already way past lunch but she had to attend to about ten patients more. This is the same ob gyne I talked about several posts ago. I know I have tagged her as prima donna at one point. It was an irritating experience but I guess I didn’t quite understand her at that time. Aside from reporting at the clinic on Sundays, she’s also working in a hospital. Sometimes she gets caught up with a lot of patients there that she would unintentionally keep us waiting. There were a couple of instances also where she really didn’t show up, but that’s because she had emergencies to attend to. Anyhow, I learned that she’s good at what she does and she's not charging too much. So it means I have kept my patience--and I just took her as my private doctor. Well, well, well, what a development!

This weekend, we’ll start packing the things that I will need in the hospital. My big and itching stomach and a kicking thing inside constantly remind me that I’m definitely getting closer and closer to my due date. I’m thinking that when that time comes, I’ll be putting on my ugliest face ever when I get to the labor room, but hopefully, I’d put on my happiest face when I get the chance to hold my little version for the very first time.

I’m nervous. I'm scared. I’m excited. Mixed feelings. We’re about to become parents! Whew! That sure is a full-time job.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

my baby's gender

and the element of surprise was gone last friday -- we are getting a girl!

the polls are right. baby girl wins! unless the ultrasound or the sonologist made a mistake about it because i've read about odd cases like this.

some of my friends made some guesses that i'm getting a boy because to them i didn't look my best. or i looked different from what i used to be. i heard about this a lot of times that i didn't really bother to fix myself up anymore. it's like my subconscious wanted them to be right about it [all right now, i looked awful, so you maybe right, it's a boy]. there was a time my husband asked me why i didn't comb my hair. i jokingly told him, "i'm getting you a baby boy" and we just laughed about it. when i sent dad an SMS telling him that we're getting a girl soon, he said he knew it's a girl. i was touched because in my father's eyes, i looked blooming with my pregnancy. well anyway, all these are anything but guesses. we wouldn't know the baby's gender because of how a pregnant woman looks or through the shape of her belly.

we kept telling everyone we don't care about the gender just as long as the baby's healthy but it was inevitable to have our own preference. at one point i told my husband it's cute to have a baby girl -- i'll dress her up, fix her hair, buy her some cute dolls and toys, etc., but stephen said he's guessing it'd be a boy because my nose got bigger than it used to be. i knew he had hoped for a boy, he just didn't say it aloud. my mother-in-law told him it's normal for a wife to hope for a baby girl and the husband to want a baby boy but eventually the couple will accept what's being given to them. hmmm, hubby will have another girl in his life soon, our future daughter. i just hope she won't turn out to be a spoiled, daddy's little girl.

so what's the next step? we don't have a name yet. we are thinking of combining my mom's and MIL's name. diana pauline or diana paula. nothing's fixed yet. suggestions, anyone?

Sunday, November 23, 2008

trying to be back in the saddle

It looks like I haven’t written anything for like three days. Last week, I was caught up with one challenging project in the office that almost all of my energy went into it, and by the time I got home, I was too tired to even think about anything. I tried to be in the writing mode but before I could get my fingers typing, my eyes were already drooping that I had to give in to my sleepiness.

Over the weekend, I felt I wanted nothing more than just curling up in bed with my husband and sleep all the weariness away. This morning, though, I looked up at my notes in the calendar and realized that it's my pre-natal schedule with my ob gyne. So, it's not the 28th, huh? Whatever happened to my sense of time? Fortunately, we still made it to the clinic on time--I was her 18th patient. Well, there wasn't much of an update. Dra. wanted me to continue taking iron-folic and omega-3, and just replaced my vitamin B complex with calcium. I was unaware that I had been eating too much ever since I've had a word with Manang L about the size of my belly as ob gyne noticed that I've put on a lot more weight this month. Last month, I was 115 lbs., now I weighed 122 lbs. Whew! Anyway, she still said that it was still within my allowable weight, thank God. Also, I got to hear the baby's heartbeat again via Doppler and I grew more and more excited about being a mom. I asked Dra. if it's already possible to know the gender of our baby but she said that's it's too early yet. She suggested that I have it checked on my 7th month. Hmmm, all the while I thought I would already know it during my 5th month as I've made some research about it but I guess ob gyne knows best. Anyhow, it wouldn't hurt to wait a couple of months more.

Meantime, I've gotta get used to this sleepiness. It's good for me, anyway. In fact, I shouldn't still be awake at this time--but I'm glad I made it through the end of this post. Tomorrow begins again a week of battling with myself and my work. Deadlines. I needed to be up and running. I have to finish the job before we leave for Thanksgiving. That's right, we're following American holidays in the office.

So that's about it for now. I am signing off.

And it ended abruptly. :) *yawn*

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

nothing seems to fit? oh no!

Time flies so fast. It's getting more and more obvious. My belly. I realized I almost run out of clothes to wear. It looks like I have outgrown almost everything I have in my closet and nothing seems to fit me anymore. Don't you just hate it when you have to search for anything still wearable at this time? Ah, I told my husband, we're going shopping this week. Just a pair or two every payday. I'm not planning to buy lots of maternity clothes though because I know this pregnancy won't last very long. We would rather save it for baby's future needs.

Here's a sneak peek at my growing belly. Hubby just took a shot of this tonight. Should I let it grow more by eating more? I think there's nothing wrong with my appetite, though. I eat anytime I feel hungry. So, no worries.


Don't I look awful? hehehe.. I guess I'll just have to sleep this off. Goodnight.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

care for some protection?

I just got a call today from my elder brother who works in Abu Dhabi. It was so sweet of him to ask how I am doing with my pregnancy and all that. I told him I'm okay and that I'm already in my 5th month. He had strict reminders: Take care of the baby. Cover your belly with black cloth when you go to sleep. Now the black cloth was something new to me. So I asked, What's with the black cloth, bro? He said it's for protection or covering against negative elements around, like aswang. And that's not all, he also added that I should have with me garlic and ginger in the bedroom, still for protection purposes, because they help drive the negative elements away. Now that wasn't the first time that I've heard about the garlic and ginger stuff because I've seen it already in the movies and I know of some superstitious preggies who are really doing this. My brother's pointers had me paranoid a little bit. After the call ended, I asked my husband not to sleep ahead of me hehe but then he dozed off just now. Whew!

I felt like God was telling me from somewhere "What little faith you have!" Now I'm thinking. I realized that there is nothing to fear. God is with us all the time. There's no better protection but prayers, prayers that are sincerely said. It's our faith in Him that's going to keep us stronger. Eventually, the good will always win over the bad. Amen.

Dear brother, if you should call me again, let's talk about positive things :)

Saturday, November 15, 2008

should i be worried?

Yesterday, when me and my husband were heading home after an eight hours' work, we bumped into Manang L, the owner of a carenderia just beside our office. Everytime we bump into each other, she usually has something friendly to say to me, although I didn't like how she would often mistake or call me "Janet" (she meant "Jenneth", a friend/ex-officemate/ex-lunchmate of mine, who already found a new life with her American husband in Ozark, Arkansas) when we've already known each other for years. Don't get me wrong, though, I don't have anything against my good friend, Jenneth. Maybe I just find it irritating everytime Manang L displays episodes of selective amnesia. Anyhow, I'm willing to forgive Manang L for it as she must've been too stressed preparing all the viands each day, or worse, she must've been affected by a lot of monosodium glutamate intake in her cooking which probably blocked her memory moisture hehehe.

Yesterday was surprisingly her "tactless day". I didn't know what got into her but she got me worried at first with her opening greeting. She looked and me and commented that she's not comfortable with my pregnancy. I was worried. Having heard that from her who has already experienced two pregnancies in her lifetime meant that I'm probably in trouble. I asked her why, please expound. She said my tummy looked too small yet and I didn't look like I am five months' pregnant. She said that I should eat a lot, especially vegetables. Whoaa, I thought to myself, should I be worried? Although her suggestion regarding eating vegetables seemed viable, I don't think her comment regarding the size of my tummy should affect me. For one, she's not my O.B. gyne, and she's not even one. My O.B. gyne takes record of my growing tummy for each visit and I didn't hear any negative feedback from her. Second, I should be the one to know if my pregnancy feels comfortable or not, not her. Third, I can feel that my baby is comfortable inside as he/she moves around and kicks me a lot, many times during the day. So I shoved the conversation off and tagged my husband along and said our goodbyes to her.

Hmmm, what a day! I wonder what she'd say to me next week. What do you think, Janet, er Jenneth? :)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

inside story: my baby update

i have been feeling my baby's strong movements and kicks this week especially when i'm working in the office and sitting for hours. i know it's my baby moving around, it feels different. it's not painful but it should be enough to get me fidgeted, but only for a while. it's really a wonderful feeling everytime i feel the little one moving inside. for now, though, hubby can't still feel the baby kicking. maybe in the next month or so, he should be lucky enough to feel those kicks. the very first time i told him that i felt the baby's movements inside, his face lightened up! i wonder what his facial expression would be when he would be able to feel it for himself.

and if anyone is wondering why i'm awake at this time, it's because i have awakened from my wonderful sleep. this little fella inside is probably doing some sort of a somersault. i've been talking to him/her about going easy on the movements hehehe.

this now brings me back to the topic on the baby's gender. a friend of mine told me that she is 90% sure it will be a boy because of the strong kicks. she said she didn't feel so much kicking with her baby girl. funny but that's her basis hehehe. however, another friend would tell me she is positive that we are getting a baby girl because i didn't have drastic changes on the way i look ever since the start of my pregnancy and that this is how it is for most moms who are having baby girls. some say mothers also dream about their baby's gender. but until we get this ultrasound done in december, we can't get a confirmation on the baby's gender yet. maybe it's fun to have a poll on this.

alright now, the movements have already subsided, baby should already be resting. and my writing is already making me sleepy. *yawn* i'll get back to my precious sleep now.

Monday, November 10, 2008

my defining moment

nobody goes through this life without ever experiencing their "downs", not even the wealthiest of people. when i was still single, i would recall going back home with my folks everytime i feel like i needed some time off to lift my spirit (don't get me wrong, i don't only go home when i'm troubled, i also go home to visit my family and in a happy state). and i would always remember, it's always my mom who notices my unhappy mode and she would always try to get me to talk about it. and from there we would have a long conversation. that's what i missed about my mom. i missed our talks, her warm, caring and thoughtful ways. i guess God would understand why i still feel sad sometimes about losing her too early. i thought it was too early for her to be taken away from us. i thought she'd get to see how i've grown from a helpless lass to a mature lady and an expectant mom. i thought she'd have the chance to see my baby. but we lost her. we lost her to brain aneurysm. we lost her to God. i don't feel bad about it, just sad. i just missed her, that's all. especially now. although hubby or the rest of the family would always be there to listen, you would want to discuss your fears and worries to your mom, right? i don't know so much about being a mom YET (i'm almost there though) but having a mom beside you gives you that certain distinct comfort. since that's not possible anymore, i just prayed to God that He would always guide me to become a good wife and mother like her. and everytime i call on Him, i feel a sense of relief and peace in my heart. makes me want to look forward to more brighter days ahead.

so now, i'm sharing this song to anyone reading this. i hope this will touch your heart as it had touched mine.



my eyes aren't sleepy yet as i've slept almost the whole afternoon. but i'm way past bedtime, so i have to sleep now, even if it would take a lot of counting sheeps.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

food watch: oh my, panini!

i woke up with a bad stomach today, must be the panini i ate last night for dinner at the food court. it was my first time to try it. it did taste great but somehow the pita sandwich with all the fresh vegetables with cheese and chicken spread didn't do me any good. or maybe i just can't survive without rice in my meals. i guess i have to take this one out of my food choices, at least until my pregnancy is due. better safe than sorry.

my tummy is getting bigger. i realized i'm already having a hard time putting on my panty standing up hehehe. funny but true. and my appetite is pretty much impressive, it's back in circulation. i feel like ordering and eating all the food i see and want but i have to watch what i eat and my weight so i won't have to deal with health problems affecting me and the baby later on. have to remind myself again about not literally eating for two.

time to go. have to prepare for work.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

no pain, no pain...

i have been sleeping on my left side ever since i learned that it's not good for a pregnant woman to lay flat on her back as it affects the circulation and blood flow to the baby. i am not so comfortable with this recommended position as i'm used to sleeping flat on my back or stomach when i wasn't pregnant but i wouldn't want to do anything to harm my baby so i had to keep this one on my sacrifice list. i say sacrifice because i haven't been getting a full night's sleep with this position. takes a matter of getting used to. i usually get up in the middle of the night with some pain in my right butt and the back of my leg. sometimes i find it difficult to get up because of the pain. i had to do some leg stretching and self-motivation just to be able to get out of bed and relieve me of the pain.

well, i must confess i don't exercise regularly. although i keep myself mobile most of the time, i now realize it's still not enough especially that i'm putting on more weight as my pregnancy advances. my poor and usually unbalanced diet is also one of the culprits of the pain and discomfort i've been feeling lately. so i guess it's not too late to eat healthy, do some safe exercises and long walks. and enjoy this pregnancy. i would definitely do anything right just to keep me and the baby healthy and to keep my husband from worrying about me.

and i guess it helps if i don't complain too much. smile, though my joints are aching hehehe

Thursday, October 30, 2008

is it the thought that counts? or the tears that fell?

what else is new? i cried again today. i don't know if i can always blame it to hormones and pregnancy stuff but i've been emotionally unstable lately. my emotions are sometimes uncontrollable. when we got home from work, there was one birthday card waiting for him, with a free fastfood meal ticket as a birthday treat. it's from the telecommunications company. call it pathetic but i really felt so bad that i broke into tears because i didn't get anything for my husband's birthday, not even a simple birthday card, like the one he just received.

i've been meaning to get him something for his birthday but since we always go out and go to work together, i didn't have the chance to sneak around and play the thoughtful wife. i had my chance yesterday morning when we had to file for a leave. we had to go separate directions to save some time--he went out to renew his driver's license while i had to visit my ob gyne for my vitamins. unfortunately, ob gyne didn't show up on time, so i wasted the rest of my time waiting for dra. prima donna (you'll have to excuse me for this name-calling) to arrive. and then after that, it was already time to head back to the office.

anyhow, i guess it's the thought that counts. and the tears that fell. husband knows wife loves him so much. i am dedicating this space to my better half, stephen. here are words for your birthday....

my life partner
my best friend
my soulmate
my husband
thank you
for being the man
i can always lean upon
thank you
for loving me
and letting me be
who i am
thank you for the many ways
you've shown your love and respect
thank you for being honest with me
even from the very start
thank you for the ears that always listen
thank you for the hands that never let me slip
thank you for your heart that cares
thank you for this baby in my womb
i love you...
everything about you...
happy birthday, pangga!

Talking About The New Normal

What's the new normal these days? This got me thinking today, and I thought I should make a list. 1. Wearing Masks. Obviously, it'...