Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts

Sunday, November 25, 2012

she will be missed dearly

Some three months ago, our Tita Sarah (my late mom's elder sister) passed away after more than 3 years of battling with the big C. For some personal reason, I earlier decided I wouldn't blog about death anymore but today, I am breaking my rule as we are again losing another special person in the family - our grandmother! I know she has lived even longer than my mom and my aunt (she was 88 years old) who already went ahead of her but still it's a sad passing for we weren't expecting she'd be gone last Thursday. Even though I wasn't able to visit her as often as I would have wanted to, I have also thought of her fondly. Hopefully, if she will be able to see our situation up close now, I'm sure grandmother will understand.




Truly, I will miss her. Thanks to her, I had a mom who was just as caring, as  thoughtful, and as wonderful as she. Even though her memory would fail her already, her sweetness was already part of her nature that it wouldn't be such an effort for her to accommodate anyone who comes to my aunt's house to visit her. She would insist that you take some snacks or anything she had prepared even if you would say you've already eaten. She can also sense when something's wrong or when you're troubled. Even when she 's tired and could use some sleep/rest, she will always find time to accommodate and to talk to any of her family visiting the house. She's been the sweetest, most caring and loving Lola during her lifetime. I will always remember her like this.



We love you lola! Hopefully, I am not going to cry that you're gone because death is a reality for all of us and you are just going ahead. More importantly, I also know that you are already in a better place now.

Monday, May 9, 2011

a post for memorial day and then some

One of the things I wouldn't forget about being employed from an American outsourcing company before was the fact that we've also celebrated American holidays with our American bosses. I would remember that when it's a US holiday, it's usually the time of rejoicing for us because it means we have no work. However, a more in-depth look at the holiday made me realize that we should not rejoice only because it's going to give us a respite from work; instead, we must also understand why we celebrate such a thing. The month of May, come the last Monday of the month, is US Memorial Day. Now, it's clear to me because I already got myself educated that this day is in honor of those who died in the service of the military such as, but not limited to, those who became officers and crew of the USS Bluegill. I believe that declaring a holiday in memory of those who died for the country's sake is indeed a great form of respect we can give to them.

Remembering those who died also reminds us that death also happens to each one of us. Indeed, we will never know when our time will exactly come but it's always a reality that everything we have here on earth is just borrowed time. Nowadays, although some are still not comfortable at the thought, preparing for funeral arrangements ahead is already considered a smart move, especially for those who don't want to leave such burden to those they will leave behind. I guess it's best to plan it ahead when Burial Insurance rates are still not that high, right?

Somehow, it's a little awkward to be planning for our own funeral ahead but for some of us who have often witnessed a situation where someone's family has mourned and grieved not only because of the loss of their loved one but also because they are having a difficult time looking for means to get their dead a good and decent funeral, we might as well think of ways to relieve our loved one of such additional burden when it is our time to go. Anyway, I believe no senior is too old to qualify for an insurance like the seniors Burial Insurance. Eventually, we all know that we all must go, right? Like the soldiers who are always prepared for a battle, it is also important to prepare for our own battle.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

reality check!

"Oh, honey when I die
Dress me up in a coat and tie
Give my feet a pair of shoes
That I haven't worn in a long time
Put me in a golden box
Not a cross on a pile of rocks
Bury me where the grass is green
And the gates are shining..."


The quoted text above is the chorus to the lyrics from a song entitled "Poor Man's Grave" by a band called the Eraserheads. The melody to this song is so good that I can't help but sing along; however, if I would have to look deeper, it would cause me to think "is it really necessary to have a grand funeral"? I believe it wouldn't matter anymore when we're dead. However, the fact remains that it is important for most families to bury their dead with a decent funeral. It's like a form of last respect for a dead loved one. Personally, I came from a family who didn't have the benefit of a good insurance. I remember when one would get sick, we can't expect dad's insurance benefit to cover all the medical expenses. In fact, when mom got hospitalized and was diagnosed with brain aneurysm, we were really a helpless family, financially and emotionally. The company insurance benefit that I had when I was still working in an office won't be able to help her because only the spouse and children are covered, and parents aren't. Fortunately, since family will always be family, my mom's sister helped out and almost shouldered everything, from hospitalization down to funeral expenses. I was thinking won't things have changed if we have considered getting a funeral insurance when we still have more years to prepare for it? Isn't it a good idea to be prepared so that when the reality of death happens, loved ones or the surviving family will no longer have to worry about looking for money so we can have a decent burial? Oh well, if it is something that we can afford to pay monthly, why not? However, if the family budget will not allow it, then we probably have to be content with the kind of burial that the family can afford.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

My thoughts on death and that sad feeling of loss

Photo Source: Internet

What is it about death that we don't really want to talk about it? Death is a reality that can come to us at anytime but why are we sometimes so unwelcoming when we talk about it? In fact, I have been thinking about my previous post about death almost two years ago with a brave title that goes – Are you prepared to die? In all fairness, it was a post for All Soul's Day, so I was thinking maybe everybody had been very busy at that time to ever think about sharing their thoughts or comments or perhaps maybe my post just wasn't interesting enough.

The reality of death can really be a scary thing. We don't know when or how we are going to die. We also cry when someone we love dies. We cry because we associate death to losing someone or missing someone. Never did we think about our dead if they have felt any regrets for leaving this world.

Last week, we were told about a death of hubby's distant relative who once had the chance to come over to the house when hubby's grandmother came by for a short visit. Grandmother told us that a week before this distant relative died, she had been hinting about her death - like wanting to have all her laundry done that week because she wants everything else clean for some reason and wanting to pay the debt that she owed to a fish vendor because she said she does not want her soul to be bothered by any unpaid debts when she leaves this world. Hubby's grandmother said that she wouldn't have died if someone stopped her from hinting about her death. But for me, I believe that when it is time to go, it is time to go. What do you think?

You must be wondering why I am writing about death today. I was just sad to know that a high school friend's dad passed away. I know what it's like to have lost someone we love and it's a very, very sad feeling of loss – like something, that feeling of happiness, has just been emptied out from yourself that you really can't explain. I do not know how to comfort her because I myself felt sad about it. What is it about death that we aren't usually prepared to accept it, especially when it happens to someone we care about and love?

Saturday, December 13, 2008

family's sad time

I got an early message from dad this morning. He said that this was the same day and time, a year ago today, when they (he and my brother) had forced open the bathroom door because mom just fell down and fainted while taking a shower. Earlier that day, he and mom were cleaning the room. It looked like an ordinary day until mom took a shower and they heard a loud noise coming from the bathroom. They immediately lifted her and rushed her back to the bedroom. There was no bleeding or a bump in the head. This incident happened in Medellin, in the northernmost part of Cebu. Our family took refuge there when dad was hired to do the job as mill shift engineer after the sugar milling in San Carlos City declared bankruptcy. I was in Mandaue working. The news just shocked me. When mom awoke, she wasn’t aware of what had happened to her but she said she had a terrible headache. She felt dizzy when she got up but had managed to go to the CR with my brother’s assistance to answer the call of nature. Dad’s reading of her blood pressure indicated that she had hypertension. They tried to let her drink the medicine to lower her blood pressure but it seems that it would turn normal only for a while. That had been their observation overnight. The morning after that, mom still complained of a terrible headache and so they went to the company clinic for immediate medical assistance. There she was admitted and had been under observation. She was prescribed with medicine for hypertension. Unfortunately, her blood pressure hardly went down and she constantly complained of the same terrible headache. The doctor in charge suspected that this was more than just a hypertension and finally told dad that she had to be referred to a hospital in Cebu City. And it had to be done immediately. Dad was unprepared for this kind of thing. Although the company would eventually refund a portion of the hospital expenses, he had no means to pay even just for the downpayment as what was left of his salary wouldn’t be enough. Stephen and I just got married 2 months before mom’s incident, so, all our savings went to the wedding expenses as well as for the payment of our housing loan. Dad had asked me if there was anything I can do about it, as it was a real emergency. Fortunately, I was able to borrow from an officemate the amount that would be enough for mom’s admittance to the hospital. They wheeled mom in an ambulance from Medellin to Cebu City. We were waiting for them to arrive. Mom must have sensed that something was wrong with what she’s feeling because of the urgency. She can’t believe she’s been transported in an ambulance, she seemed in shock.

At the hospital, mom underwent several procedures to check if there was any possible head trauma when she fell in the bathroom. Further interviews led the doctor to suspect that she has brain aneurysm. The MRI and angiogram confirmed the aneurysm. We were all devastated. How could this happen to mom?

When your family is not that well-off, this kind of situation would really give you so much of a headache. You're not only concerned about the welfare of the patient, you would also worry about how to produce the amount for the medical bills. The neurosurgeon told us that mom needed surgery before the vein inside the brain will have ruptured. But the cost of the surgery was defeaning to the ears as he spoke about P400,000 to P500,000 just for this procedure. The surgery, we were told, should be done 7 days or earlier after the angiogram is performed, but still it would all depend upon the condition of the brain. Even through all that, there was no assurance that it would be a successful surgery but they said we got one of the best neurosurgeons in town. Even after the surgery became successful, mom had to be under therapy of some sort, talk about medical expenses again.

Where in the world would we get that amount, in that short span of time? We felt so helpless about the situation until mom's sister, Tita J, a nurse in NJ, offered to produce the amount just to save the life of her sister. We knew mom had been listening to our conversation all along. I remembered she openly told us before she didn't wish to be bedridden and looked after like she will be a burden to her family. It was obvious, even if mom didn't say anything, she didn't want the brain surgery to happen. She knew she could turn "vegetable" if she was kept alive. And so, I figured, she didn't cooperate. Or was it God's will that she went into comatose just when the family had decided we will take the best option to save her life? Surgery can't happen when patient is in comatose. Her high blood pressure wouldn't even go away. She was then transferred to the ICU. I don't even want to go into details after that. I even wonder how I managed to type this far. I never wanted to go back to this sad time but as the 20th of December gets nearer, the memory of it becomes clearer. Our dearest mom was not able to hang on to her life. Everything happened so fast, in less than 2 weeks.

That's the saddest thing that the family went through last year. It was hard. It was unexpected. We may not understand why God had allowed it to happen but we all just lifted everything all up to Him.

Within our trying times, our families and friends were always there to support us. We could never thank them enough.

Monday, November 10, 2008

my defining moment

nobody goes through this life without ever experiencing their "downs", not even the wealthiest of people. when i was still single, i would recall going back home with my folks everytime i feel like i needed some time off to lift my spirit (don't get me wrong, i don't only go home when i'm troubled, i also go home to visit my family and in a happy state). and i would always remember, it's always my mom who notices my unhappy mode and she would always try to get me to talk about it. and from there we would have a long conversation. that's what i missed about my mom. i missed our talks, her warm, caring and thoughtful ways. i guess God would understand why i still feel sad sometimes about losing her too early. i thought it was too early for her to be taken away from us. i thought she'd get to see how i've grown from a helpless lass to a mature lady and an expectant mom. i thought she'd have the chance to see my baby. but we lost her. we lost her to brain aneurysm. we lost her to God. i don't feel bad about it, just sad. i just missed her, that's all. especially now. although hubby or the rest of the family would always be there to listen, you would want to discuss your fears and worries to your mom, right? i don't know so much about being a mom YET (i'm almost there though) but having a mom beside you gives you that certain distinct comfort. since that's not possible anymore, i just prayed to God that He would always guide me to become a good wife and mother like her. and everytime i call on Him, i feel a sense of relief and peace in my heart. makes me want to look forward to more brighter days ahead.

so now, i'm sharing this song to anyone reading this. i hope this will touch your heart as it had touched mine.



my eyes aren't sleepy yet as i've slept almost the whole afternoon. but i'm way past bedtime, so i have to sleep now, even if it would take a lot of counting sheeps.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

are you prepared to die?

are you prepared to die? this was asked by the priest during his homily today. this is not the first time that we've heard this question but almost always, this will get us to think and reflect on the way we have lived our lives. have we lived it in a way that is pleasing to God? if we know we would be facing death today, are we really prepared for it?

i've been pondering on this question. i wasn't prepared to accept that mom would be leaving us last year. even when her body was no longer responding to the medicines, even when the doctor told us that the surgery can no longer be done, i was still holding on to the possibility that she will be able to make it. i wasn't prepared for her death then because everything came so fast. eventually, i had to deal with the fact that she's returned to our Creator. more than she is my mom, and dad's wife, she is God's daughter, too.

we will never know how and when we are going to die. but we will all have our time. i guess that should be enough to remind us that everything in this life is temporary. that we should embrace death as a gift from God. death is not the end. it is the beginning. our chance to finally be in communion with God.

am i prepared to die? i've tried to direct this question to myself. it's a bit scary but i thought a lot about it. especially now that i'm pregnant. they say when you're pregnant, your one foot is placed forward, six feet below the ground. well, anything can happen to us between now and tomorrow, awake or asleep. so i'd say, "Lord, your will be done!"

happy all souls day. :)

Talking About The New Normal

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