Tuesday, December 30, 2008

a daughter's sentiment

during mom's death anniversary, dad, me and my siblings had a small talk. just a casual talk, until the subject shifted to dad trying to get to know somebody else via the internet and SMS. as a daughter who's been very close to mom when she was still alive, i just cannot welcome the thought of dad finding and re-marrying somebody else. call me selfish but that's just how it feels right now. you see, it's only been a year... i thought it's just too soon. even if he would wait another year or two, i still wouldn't like the idea of dad finding somebody else. i would have understood if dad had been a widower at an early age but he's already 60, why still long to find somebody new? i thought it would be great if he would just focus on helping my siblings to achieve a better future.

i've been open to dad about my objection to the possibility of him finding a new wife later on. but since i'm just a daughter, i could not stop him to do what he wishes. i just told him that i only have a mother and a mother-in-law. mom may no longer be here in this world but her presence will always be felt in my heart.

i am aware though that even when mom was still alive, she used to tell dad that he could still find somebody else if she leaves in this world ahead of him. i don't know why she kept saying this, must be some sort of a premonition. still, i couldn't help but express my objection to the thought of him remarrying.

semper fidelis--latin for "always faithful." mom and dad used to say this to one another, their motto as husband and wife. i've always admired their love for each other that i thought this extends beyond death. somehow, i felt a pang of disappointment. yes, couples vowed only "till death do us part" but i do believe that if one went through a long, happy and memorable marriage, you can't even think about finding someone else. that one marriage would already be enough.

maybe i'm just not ready yet at the thought of dad trying to get to know other women. i don't know. i just felt like he shouldn't. not yet. or maybe not ever, if possible. i just thought there are other things that deserve his time and attention. i do want him to be happy but can't he just be happy with the way things are?

i hope there's anyone out here who can relate to what i am feeling.

and i also hope my dad won't be able to read any of this.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A Merry Bloated Christmas

Meretrisha and a Happy New Year...

Hello friends, I'm back. It has been a pretty longggg time minus the blogging. I had been wanting to update my blog but, for the past few days, sleeping (next to eating) became my passion. After reading some great blogs from my favorite friends and bloggers, it would already feel like it's bedtime. I couldn't think of anything to write, anyway. I can only imagine our bed, the pillows, and a good night's sleep with my husband.

So what has kept me busy for the past week or so?

Our company just had our Christmas Party last December 13th (yeah right, it's the same date as my high school reunion). It was a successful event. We've been wanting to go home with the washing machine but Stephen won an MP4 from the raffle, instead. I on the other hand won a computer keyboard. That's not all--our team won the Christmas caroling contest! Because I'm pregnant, I had the privilege of not joining in the presentation and games. Sometimes it's fun to be just the spectator. Here are some pics during the Christmas party.

It was a surefire fun event for all of us. The food was great. I guess I've been eating too much these days. Definitely not a good thing to do throughout my pregnancy. Somebody stop me! :)

Look at my tummy, I sure did look full. Hehehe.

Last Saturday (December 20th), we went to Compostela--mom's death anniversary. The family just had a simple get-together--went to church and had lunch. Expectedly, I ate a lot, especially fruit salad, can't do away with it. So, here's what my tummy have become, at 6 months+.

Then came Sunday, my prenatal schedule. My ob gyne was surprised to learn that my weight has increased from 122 lbs. last month to 134 lbs. this month. Hahaha. If I don't do anything about my appetite, I will really bloat big time. I am so looking forward to Noche Buena!!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

family's sad time

I got an early message from dad this morning. He said that this was the same day and time, a year ago today, when they (he and my brother) had forced open the bathroom door because mom just fell down and fainted while taking a shower. Earlier that day, he and mom were cleaning the room. It looked like an ordinary day until mom took a shower and they heard a loud noise coming from the bathroom. They immediately lifted her and rushed her back to the bedroom. There was no bleeding or a bump in the head. This incident happened in Medellin, in the northernmost part of Cebu. Our family took refuge there when dad was hired to do the job as mill shift engineer after the sugar milling in San Carlos City declared bankruptcy. I was in Mandaue working. The news just shocked me. When mom awoke, she wasn’t aware of what had happened to her but she said she had a terrible headache. She felt dizzy when she got up but had managed to go to the CR with my brother’s assistance to answer the call of nature. Dad’s reading of her blood pressure indicated that she had hypertension. They tried to let her drink the medicine to lower her blood pressure but it seems that it would turn normal only for a while. That had been their observation overnight. The morning after that, mom still complained of a terrible headache and so they went to the company clinic for immediate medical assistance. There she was admitted and had been under observation. She was prescribed with medicine for hypertension. Unfortunately, her blood pressure hardly went down and she constantly complained of the same terrible headache. The doctor in charge suspected that this was more than just a hypertension and finally told dad that she had to be referred to a hospital in Cebu City. And it had to be done immediately. Dad was unprepared for this kind of thing. Although the company would eventually refund a portion of the hospital expenses, he had no means to pay even just for the downpayment as what was left of his salary wouldn’t be enough. Stephen and I just got married 2 months before mom’s incident, so, all our savings went to the wedding expenses as well as for the payment of our housing loan. Dad had asked me if there was anything I can do about it, as it was a real emergency. Fortunately, I was able to borrow from an officemate the amount that would be enough for mom’s admittance to the hospital. They wheeled mom in an ambulance from Medellin to Cebu City. We were waiting for them to arrive. Mom must have sensed that something was wrong with what she’s feeling because of the urgency. She can’t believe she’s been transported in an ambulance, she seemed in shock.

At the hospital, mom underwent several procedures to check if there was any possible head trauma when she fell in the bathroom. Further interviews led the doctor to suspect that she has brain aneurysm. The MRI and angiogram confirmed the aneurysm. We were all devastated. How could this happen to mom?

When your family is not that well-off, this kind of situation would really give you so much of a headache. You're not only concerned about the welfare of the patient, you would also worry about how to produce the amount for the medical bills. The neurosurgeon told us that mom needed surgery before the vein inside the brain will have ruptured. But the cost of the surgery was defeaning to the ears as he spoke about P400,000 to P500,000 just for this procedure. The surgery, we were told, should be done 7 days or earlier after the angiogram is performed, but still it would all depend upon the condition of the brain. Even through all that, there was no assurance that it would be a successful surgery but they said we got one of the best neurosurgeons in town. Even after the surgery became successful, mom had to be under therapy of some sort, talk about medical expenses again.

Where in the world would we get that amount, in that short span of time? We felt so helpless about the situation until mom's sister, Tita J, a nurse in NJ, offered to produce the amount just to save the life of her sister. We knew mom had been listening to our conversation all along. I remembered she openly told us before she didn't wish to be bedridden and looked after like she will be a burden to her family. It was obvious, even if mom didn't say anything, she didn't want the brain surgery to happen. She knew she could turn "vegetable" if she was kept alive. And so, I figured, she didn't cooperate. Or was it God's will that she went into comatose just when the family had decided we will take the best option to save her life? Surgery can't happen when patient is in comatose. Her high blood pressure wouldn't even go away. She was then transferred to the ICU. I don't even want to go into details after that. I even wonder how I managed to type this far. I never wanted to go back to this sad time but as the 20th of December gets nearer, the memory of it becomes clearer. Our dearest mom was not able to hang on to her life. Everything happened so fast, in less than 2 weeks.

That's the saddest thing that the family went through last year. It was hard. It was unexpected. We may not understand why God had allowed it to happen but we all just lifted everything all up to Him.

Within our trying times, our families and friends were always there to support us. We could never thank them enough.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

married life

One great thing about being married is having a partner to share your troubles with although some would say that you wouldn't also be into some kind of trouble have you not gotten married haha. I'm not saying that married life is all about troubles and problems of some sort. More than anything, marriage gives you that certain kind of happiness-- that is, if you really are meant to be married after all.

I believe it will just come to a person. And it wouldn't matter how short or how long the relationship had been going. It will just hit you. The time when you think that both of you are ready and wanted to be with each other for the rest of your lives.

In one of our conversations, my sister had asked me, "Don't you two even argue?" We argue less, but yes we do argue but we make it a point to stay out of the boiling point. Sometimes when it's close to getting a fight, one of us would opt to stay calm. I would also remember to read again mom's letter for both of us. And then I would be reminded about our happy times together. It would then be so hard to stay mad or angry at the man I chose to love and marry.

Stephen and I--we were not born rich, financially. We work to earn a living and to be able to pay for our existence. But together, as husband and wife, we are looking forward to improving our lives to create a better future for our family. And yes, as the Carpenters song goes "We've only just begun..." Our married life is way too young compared to those marriages that are already "tried-and-tested."

Hmmm, I just noticed I talk or write about my husband a lot. I usually do this everytime he's asleep. And he sleeps like a baby! I feel like joining him to bed already. So, like Cinderella, I better be in bed before the clock strikes twelve. I'm turning Sleeping Beauty now. Goodnight.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Thankful Wednesday

Surprisingly, there’s not much to do in the office today as I’m already way ahead of my deadlines. So while I'm still idle after taking our lunch today, I thought I should write down what's in my head at the moment.

Sometimes small deeds or simple thoughts of concern would be enough to brighten your day. This morning, the office had a happy, upbeat mode. An officemate brought with him his nice set of speakers, the kind that goes boom-boom when connected to music from the Internet or from one’s PC. Everyone sang along and had a happy time until the audio and bass seem to have gotten louder. My officemate-friend Sheila was quick to notice it and sort of reminded the officemate not to set the bass too loud as it could possibly affect the baby I'm carrying inside my womb. I never thought about it until she had let me realize that even adults would palpitate when bass is set too loud. I was greatly touched at this simple thought or act of concern.

I know I've already said my thank-you piece to her via YM- but here's another- Thank you, marie! Sweetness really comes naturally now with you.

thank you,thanks

Monday, December 8, 2008

Another Great Victory for Manny

Great victory! Manny Pacquiao has once again proved that size doesn't really matter. He has continued to make a lot of Filipinos happy by giving a great fight against boxing legend Oscar dela Hoya. I know Manny's a great fighter, no doubt about it, but I just didn't think he could make the Golden Boy quit after the eighth round. His strong jabs and punches almost had Oscar's one eye closed. Manny didn't even seem to have obtained even the slightest physical injury from the fight. It was a great game.

I was thinking if were a real gambler, I would've been counting my winnings and planning out a vacation with my husband by now. And probably do more shopping. :)

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Rooting for Manny Pacquiao

Anticipation is almost over. The Dream Match between Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao and "The Golden Boy" Oscar Dela Hoya is set on December 6, 2008 (December 7 if you are in the Philippines) at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. It will surely be a holiday weekend for us here in the Philippines since majority (if not all) of us will be glued on tv to watch out for this fight. I am not a Kapuso but since The Dream Match will be aired on television this Sunday via the GMA Network, I have no other choice but to switch my channel just to see this fight. Don't worry ABS-CBN, I'm still a Kapamilya, though hehehe. More than being a Kapamilya, I'm also a Filipino. And I will be proud to see how Pacman jabs his way to winning this fight over the Golden Boy.

I am not the sporty type person, but everytime Manny has a fight, I transform into one. One of Manny's fights had a very special place in my heart. It was during his Mano-A-Mano fight with "Chololo" Larios that Stephen (now my husband) and I had been texting each other. He was also rooting for Manny but then he pretended to be on Larios' side just so we could make a bet that if Manny wins, I get to win a Toblerone chocolate. Now, wasn't that a perfectly good excuse for him to give me something without being shy about it? Wasn't boxing the sweetest thing? Now that we're married, I asked him if we're going to have another bet going for this Dream Match, he already dismissed the idea because he said if any of us wins, we get to share the chocolate, anyway. So we just bought ourselves something to eat and drink instead.

Happy watching, everyone! Win or lose, Manny's gonna get some money. Oh well, and so will Oscar.

Talking About The New Normal

What's the new normal these days? This got me thinking today, and I thought I should make a list. 1. Wearing Masks. Obviously, it'...